Good, Beautiful and Kind - Resolving Conflict
Speaker: Pastor Pierre du Plessis
Read: Proverbs 19:19; 1 Corinthians 13; Colossians 3:13; 1 Peter 3:9; 1 John 4:18, 20
Conflict is inevitable in life because we are all unique individuals with our own ideas and when our self-governance is challenged or our expectations violated conflict emerges. Often in conflict, our goal is to convince the other person we are right and they are wrong. To do so our human nature is prone to fight dirty with coercions, accusations and other hurtful tools. But conflict is never resolved when we fight dirty and unresolved conflict only leads to unforgiveness, bitterness and other negative results. Agreement on everything is impossible, but conflict is usually resolved when one feels heard and understood.
To make peace we have to be willing to have tough conversations with the other person. We can start with modeling Jesus by entering the conversation in the opposite spirit. We need to be aware of our own feelings, be willing to acknowledge the motivation, feelings and pains of the other person, and have some awareness of God’s perspective in this situation. We need to recognize our fears and own our negative emotions and not deny them. Then we should be curious and not assumptive and let love lead us to a resolution. As Christians we are to be governed by the Spirit of God and should never let someone’s offense keep us from expressing love. For loving well is at the heart of following Jesus.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
What resonated with you as you listened to this sermon and reviewed it?
What does it look like when someone fights dirty?
It was said that it is not a good time to engage in a conflict management conversation when one is triggered-that is reminded of a past traumatic experience or when one is angry. How do you relate to these conditions when you are in conflict? Why would these not be times to pursue a resolution?
Read 1 Peter 3:9. What is meant by entering a conversation “in the opposite spirit?”
It was suggested that we enter a conflict management conversation from a place of humility knowing that we likely have a log in our own eye. What does this mean to you?
When in conflict, we are encouraged to practice relational wisdom by asking questions about our own feelings, considering what the other person may be going through and filtering God’s perspective in the situation. What are some specific questions you could ask for each of these areas?
It was stated that when we fear something, there are three likely responses: control, anger or withdrawal. How do you typically respond when fearful?
